Feeling Like February
If you could peer into the landscape of my mind, it would look like this right now. This is an illustration for my next book which my mother drew. It captures the spirit of the book very well. Most of the last half of the book takes place in December right before Christmas when everyone is celebrating and getting ready for the holiday, but Grace is stuck in the hospital facing her own mortality.
There’s something that happens to winter right after the holidays that turns the idea of snow from festive and warm – rich with memories, family and joy…to bleak and oppressive. Imagine a winter with no Christmas (or Chanukah…) – that’s what it’s like when your child is extremely sick in December. It’s Narnia before the white witch died.
Imagine a summer without the new start that autumn brings to the year – children going back to school, leaves changing, the start of the holidays. That’s what it’s been like for me as the clock tick tocks and I try to work. A summer without optimism.
I promised Ana I wouldn’t update the as blog much and when I did it wouldn’t be about her except for the bare facts. So here they are – she’s getting her next PET/CT scan this Friday. We’ll learn then if the Jakafi is working to shrink her tumors (by the way, there are actually two tumors in her pelvis – Dr. Yamashiro failed to mention a smaller one about 1 x 1 cm. I learned about it when I got a copy of her last PET/CT and actually read it.)
Ana is now on Dr. Middlesworth’s surgery schedule (yet again) – this time for 8/29/14. We don’t know what kind of surgery she’s getting. Keeps things interesting, I guess. I don’t know if she’ll be able to start 8th grade in September since she’s getting surgery a week before the school year.
And on and on and on it goes…where it stops…
I’ll post an update about Friday’s scan over the weekend. I hope everyone’s having a good summer. I’m watching you on Facebook – swimming with you, running in marathons, going on vacation. I’m here, behind my pane of glass wishing I could truly be with you. But I’m not very good company right now anyway.