Give Me Strength!
No diagnosis yet. I’ve been home working all day – my first real day back since 8/25 – and I think I’ve texted poor Jim two dozen times. It’s so hard to focus on work when my brain is still at the hospital.The texts go something like this:
Me: Any news?
Me: $!#%@@! Why not??
Jim: I have to go, they’re giving her a shot/taking her for a test/giving her food/etc.
Me: (An hour later) Any news?
Jim had to chase someone down to get her morphine this morning because her pain is still really bad. So bad she can’t even walk. We were both very tense trying to figure out why no one seemed to be acting on our requests for morphine (according to the pediatric resident, the attending Oncologist, Dr. Sandoval, isn’t a big fan of morphine). I think my response to this was, “WELL I’M NOT A BIG FAN OF MY CHILD BEING IN PAIN!” Jim spoke with Dr. Sandoval…forcefully…about Ana’s pain and she got some more medication in the morning and thus felt more comfortable. So hooray for stressed out parents.
Ana seems to be having an okay day (at least since she got the morphine). Her weight was up slightly, so I’m glad about that. Although…in the back of my mind I can’t help wonder if it’s because the tumor has gotten bigger. Worry… It’s like a festering sore in my brain.
Ana had a bunch of x-rays and a bone scan today. This freaked me out (are they worried about bone cancer?), so I emailed Dr. Hochberg who is still the primary oncologist for Ana and she said it was just precautionary testing since Ana’s not able to walk due to pain. Dr. Hochberg thinks the pain is abdominal and we should consider all these tests part of Ana’s complete work up. Still – prayers please that they don’t find any surprises on these latest scans.
Also, more prayers, white light, candle burning and positive energy that we don’t have to wait much longer for the diagnosis. There is not enough Xanax in the world to stem this tide of anxiety.