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Glimpses Posted March 3, 2013 by Jackie Dooley

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This weekend was collection of good, weekendy moments. Oh, there are still some things I’m worried about – Rejection, salt, medication compliance, the long term effects of this trauma…

But the last couple of days have presented comforting glimpses of what it might feel like for us to be normal again – just a family, feeling somehow hectic and bored at the same time.

First, Ana did my nails in a delightfully rich shade of lavendar with a black sparkly accent nail.

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I blurred out my hand because – to be frank – I hate the way my hands look lately. All this hand-washing and hand-sanitizing is starting to take it’s toll. My hands look haggard and worn. They’ve aged in the last month, or so it seems to me. No amount of lotion seems to help. I’m ashamed to admit that this is even bothering me. It’s such a minor thing – hating my hands – so trivial and ego-driven. But every time I look down at my hands, I see a physical manifestation of just how exhausted and drained I feel inwardly, manifesting itself outwardly in my worn and aching skin.

Then I took Emily to get her haircut at Trends, a salon in Kingston that I love and is just all sorts of wonderful. I love taking my girls there and it’s been far too long since Emily had her hair cut. Her hair was all one length and down to her waist. It took 20 minutes of painful screaming to get it brushed every night. Now it’s shorter and swingier and she looks gorgeous. Plus she can brush it herself, so win-win!

emily-haircut

Ana also got to go to her favorite pizza place of all time, Benny’s in Stone Ridge. Dr. Martinez said we could ease up on the sodium restriction because her fluid has been going down each day and we need to put some weight on her. This is a very happy “Benny’s pizza” smile.

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And Ana worked A LOT on homework, particularly on a science project she’s doing about the digestive system. Each child in her class was assigned an organ to write about and they had to provide a drawing as well. Ana was assigned – you guessed it – the liver. She has been throwing herself into this project 110%. Here’s her drawing (not yet done) – she has since colored the liver (the top part) and the stomach (bottom) and the whole thing looks pretty damn amazing.

liver-drawing-anaWe also had visitors this weekend which always cheers Ana up. Her best friend Lauryn came by Friday which was a very sweet reunion since the girls haven’t seen each other since before the transplant. She had a visit from Grandma Janne on Saturday, and today Grandma Judy and Grandpa came up from New Jersey for a visit (and brought cheesecake  - yum!) Ana’s good friend Storey also came by and we dragged her into a game of Clue (which I won completely by luck) and shared even more pizza (so now I’m worried we went a bit overboard on the sodium).

I wish the weekend could go on just a little bit longer. I’m finding the thought of starting a new week overwhelming. I keep thinking that I should dive back into work with gratitude and focus (as opposed to distraction and stress). But..I’m dreading it.  This is the week where there are no hospital visits (at least no PLANNED hospital visits). Ana is getting labs drawn on Tuesday, so if they don’t come back satisfactory, then I suppose they will want us to bring her in. She was very tired this morning with a bit of stomach pain and I immediately started obsessing over the possibility of rejection, but after she laid down for a little bit she was totally fine and very energetic all day.

So..I’ll live in the moment. I’ll try to breathe. And I’ll hug this kid as much as possible because she’s here, and happy and headed towards another week of healing.

 

 

 

7 Comments

  • Mary-Ann and Natasha March 4, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    Hi Jackie – so glad that you had a good weekend and that things are going better. Natasha would love to get together with Ana if she is having visitors. Speak to you soon and hang in there, Mary-Ann

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  • anne March 4, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    I love the size of that pizza slice!

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  • Susan D March 4, 2013 at 11:30 am

    Jackie: I keep looking at the fine detail of Ana’s drawing for the science project. It’s like she took charge, and she is rendering it so particularly. The girls’ photos here are so beautiful. Also — and I know this has to be difficult — try not to feel overwhelmed and put huge expectations on yourself, especially thinking that you should dive back into work. I’m sure once you take some steps, it will feel easier and you will get in some groove. It’s the thinking before we start something that feels overwhelming. Give yourself some room to feel and to be. Love to you, Jim, Ana, Emily, and all.

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  • Ella March 4, 2013 at 10:47 am

    So nice to hear that you have an outing day :D I like Emily’s new haircut. Ana looks lovely. Don’t worry about your hand, it doesn’t look bad like you think :D

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  • Susan Wishart March 4, 2013 at 8:46 am

    So happy you had a good weekend. I understand the stress over the hands, sometimes it just matters. Enjoy your day. HUGS to all of you

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  • Mary March 4, 2013 at 5:25 am

    Try a paraffin manicure and Neutrogena hand cream – Norwegian formula. It has a little Norwegian flag on the tube. That’s a fantastic liver drawing. :)

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  • Mary Chase March 4, 2013 at 1:09 am

    It is wonderful to be welcomed to your world and share the appreciation for simple pleasures we too often take for granted. Ana and Emily look so happy! Enjoy your beautiful girls! Relish these sweet times!

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