11 Comments So Far

  1. You are an AMAZING woman and mother not a failure, a failure is somthing you could NEVER be!!!! You are a mother and a damn good one at that dont ever forget that and keep on doing what you are doing and know that you have so many people behind you (even ones like me that you have not seen or spoken to in years, I am here to help in any way shape or form I can!)!!!! And for what its worth – I dont like CDPHP either so you are totally not alone there – I think pretty much all health insurance compaines suck 🙁

  2. Thinking of you both today and hoping the day goes far more smoothly than the previous ones. I’m glad you have this outlet to release your frustration and rage, and gladder still that you’ll have a therapist in your corner. I can only imagine the pain and outrage you must feel (hell, I’m still mad at CDPHP too!), and how that can get in the way of your otherwise most rational self. You’ll be okay. Ana will be okay. Deep breaths — easier said than done, but give it a whirl. You’re both incredibly brave and THIS will pull you through.

  3. You are not alone. If you cannot see the minute details in the ‘small’ (yet monumental) successes, let us do it for you, in hopes that it will bolster you through this difficult time.

    I am praying every day and sending positive energy for you and your family. Easy to say as a sideline spectator, but I see so much to be thankful for and can’t help but think of that emergency liver transplant that Dr. Kato had to do…. will soon be for Ana. Hang in there….your strength and honesty is an inspiration and you are doing phenomenal against raging tides.

  4. Hi Jackie – so sorry that things are spiraling out of control for you – it is so hard to manage everything when there are so many factors and people involved but you really have had a handle on it all. I am so sorry for your fatigue and concern, frustration and anger, during harrowing time. Good luck today with the hospital and appointments. My thoughts are with you and Ana through this anxious time. You are both incredibly brave and supportive of one another, and the rest of us who are anxiously waiting for news and outcomes. Thank you for keeping the blog going so that we can know possible ways to help – good luck today, love Mary-Ann and family

  5. I’m glad you’re going to see a therapist, you won’t regret it. You’ll nourish your mind and more than anything, that’s the only muscle you need right now.
    Crying is cleansing and healing.

  6. Isn’t it amazing…our ability as mothers to compound our most profound challenges with self-flagellation because we are not super-heroes? Jackie, even you can’t leap tall buildings in a single bound, but know that from my vantage point you are your child’s champion and an inspiration to us all. Your honestly by itself is stunning for its bravery.

    Much love,


  7. I am so glad you are taking the time to see someone outside the family to talk to – you need a break. You are not a failure, you are having to deal with more than anyone should deal with, and you are doing a great job. You are just too exhausted to see that yourself right now. You are very much a productive, functioning member of society – decorations don’t count, the laundry doesn’t mind hanging around a little longer. You will need to get some exercise in, just to stay strong and sane, but everything else… don’t be so hard on yourself. Really. This is a tough situation, and it will be for a long time – you need to be kind to yourself so you can get through it in one piece.
    I was in a session on organ donation at a science journalism conference yesterday, and I thought about you and Ana the entire time. One of the speakers was a surgeon specializing in liver transplants in children, and he spoke about the great chances of full recovery, about kids with transplants who went on to full lives with jobs and families of their own, and it made me feel good to hear this from a man who has helped to make that happen, and who has seen it happening many, many times. There is light at the end of this very long, dark, and scary tunnel. Keep your eyes on that light, ignore the slimy walls and creepy crawly things as best as you can. Wish I could do more for you!

  8. Good luck tomorrow Jackie. We’re thinking about you and Ana and hoping you get through all the red tape you need to get through ASAP to get Ana’s new liver.

  9. You may have been dealt a shitty hand at every turn lately, but you are certainly not a failure! You are doing a great job!! Unfortunately, you cannot win every battle. Especially when it comes to insurance companies. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.

    You mentioned exercise. Have you been for a bike ride lately? It might be just the thing to relieve a little stress and clear your head.

  10. I hear you. I totally hear your zone of rock bottom.
    I so affirm and appreciate that in your failure/no energy zone you also reached out. Here on the blog, and earlier when you called to meet with your therapist.
    (“So today I called a therapist. I’ll start seeing her next week.”)

    Then seeing this, just honoring how you wrote the words out during rock bottom, I sense a place of bottom, but as in bedrock; foundation; yes.
    (“Meanwhile, fingers crossed, Ana will see Dr. Kato and get listed for tranplant tomorrow.”)



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