Ana and Emily had a lot of fun playing in the snow today. Even though this perpetual waiting sucks – I mean really, REALLY sucks, I am extremely glad that Ana was home to experience the first real snowstorm of the season. I took a million pictures, and I’d post them all on the blog if I didn’t have to deal with trying to learn Windows 8 on my new computer (a purchase I needed to make for work – but agonized over nonetheless). Here’s a few that I managed to successfully crop after a painfully slow learning curve.
Here’s Ana making a snow angel.
And Emily, hamming it up for the camera.
And Ana’s about to have a snow feast (that’s our picnic table)..
We made the most of being housebound today by watching a movie, playing Scrabble and drinking hot chocolate. I also helped Emily organize some of her toys while Ana supervised (okay, what I mean by that is I made Emily throw away a bunch of her old broken Barbie dolls so we could rearrange some bins in her room and make room for the new punching bag we got her for Christmas). Ana kept us company in Emily’s room and then both girls took off outside to torture a few Barbies with some sort of snowy adventure (likely involving the Katniss Barbie and a world of pain).
Sometimes, when we have a completely normal day like today, Ana takes me by surprise. Tonight when I went to tuck her into bed, I found her in tears. She was worried about going to the hospital again. She said that being in the hospital was the worst experience of her life. I told her that for most people, having to go to the hospital is one of the worst experiences of their life. That didn’t sound very comforting, I know. Sometimes it’s so hard to know what to say.
I tried anyway. I told her that one thing that helps me when I worry about the surgery is that this isn’t going to be like that awful 40 day hospital stay at Westchester. Even though we don’t know exactly when it’s coming, we do know it’s coming and we also know it’s a huge step towards getting her to a place of being well again. But I also told her that even though that helps me feel a little better about everything, I don’t expect it to make her feel better. I reminded her that even though I can’t know how she feels since I have never been through anything like this, I do have experience taking care of a kid who has been through surgery – three surgeries, actually, and that she is never going to be alone through this ordeal. Not ever. Then I told her she could sleep in my bed tonight if she wanted. I’ve done that a few times over the last few weeks – let her spend the night in bed with me when she’s extra worried. I seems to help her at least a little bit – and it helps me too.