The snow is finally melting in NY, I’m starting to hear birds in the morning AND that huge, frightening icicle finally fell off the house. All of this means it’s nearly spring, and spring means it’s time for the High Meadow variety show (which was yesterday).
Both Ana and Emily sang. Ana sang two songs – one solo (with Storey on guitar) and one with Storey and Sophia. It’s Ana’s last year at the school and it was definitely a little bittersweet. As I sit here in a hotel in LA (yes, we made it!), I can’t stop thinking about their songs, and how the seasons seem to linger on forever when you’re in the thickest part of them, and how BAM, they’re over. Just like that. Why is it always a surprise? Even after 43 years of living in New York, watching the seasons change like clockwork each and every year, it’s still a surprise when that first 40 degree day comes, and the snow starts to melt and the songbirds come back.
But I am melancholy and heavy hearted. I feel as old as the girls are young. I think I would feel this way (to some extent) even if we hadn’t been fighting so hard for Ana for so long, because watching her at 13, on the cusp of high school, on the tail edge of childhood, I am a little disoriented. My heart is holding onto the two and a half years of Ana’s childhood that feels lost. My poor, tired, wrung out heart is STILL holding onto the notion that we’re in the midst of winter, and that spring will come, and I can think about the future – Ana’s future – without this hard lump of dread in my throat. But what if? What if spring never comes?
I’ve been so distracted, trying to keep it together, grant Ana’s wishes, not think about what the next scan will bring – that I’ve done exactly what I’ve tried so hard not to do – failed at being truly happy. Again.
But not yesterday. I loved every part of yesterday – watching all the kids sing, and especially my girls who have celebrated the melting snow, the coming spring, their growing talent…by performing each year in this show. Extra special thanks to Debbie Lan for giving her time so freely, and for loving my kids, and your kids (if they were in the show). So here they are, my songbirds.
Ana sang “Hey You” by Pink Floyd and her good friend Storey is playing guitar (Storey’s father, Daniel Littleton is also on guitar)
Emily sang “Something I Need” by One Republic (Jim’s playing drums)
Sophia, Storey and Ana had the special privilege of ending the show. They sang “The Only Exception” by Paramor