The New Normal
Six days is the longest time I’ve ever spent at the hospital so the idea of an indefinite hospital stay is pretty unnerving. All of Emily’s surgeries required just an overnight stay and all of them were much anticipated and planned out in adavance. This is entirely different.
I’ve been waiting for a diagnosis so we could do some short and long term planning like establishing a schedule so one of us would be with Ana at all times while the other maintains somewhat of a normal schedule for Emily at home. But what I’m starting to realize is that I’ve been hanging on to an idea of normal that’s not based on realty. This realization hit me today when Dr. Hochberg came in and said that even if we get the biopsy results today, Ana will likely need a larger sample taken by the surgeon so they can try and figure out what this thing is.
That won’t happen until NEXT WEEK. So six days is just the beginning apparently. I can’t put off the new normal anymore because Jim and I both can’t stay at the hospital indefinitely. What I am realizing is that its not possible to plan anything more than one or two days at a time, and that’s incredibly difficult for a control freak like me who is used to having an incredibly predictable life. It feels ungrounded and chaotic, but I know that I have to learn to be okay with it if I’m ever going to find my footing again.