All summer long Ana was really into a song from Tim Burton’s version of Alice in Wonderland called “Alice” by Avril Lavigne. For a brief period of time she really wanted to sing it at the school’s variety show. I had visions of her performing it and blowing everyone away with her gorgeous voice, but she got tired of it and that was that. I still have it on my phone and I play it all the time (always, in my mind’s eye, she’s singing it on stage at the PAC in front of the entire school). I can’t help thinking how wonderful it would be to hear her sing it, and how (tragically) appropriate the song is to Ana’s current situation.
She’s Alice. I’m Alice. Emily’s Alice. (Jim’s the Mad Hatter) We’re all in Wonderland – not in a good way. But then, isn’t that the whole point of the story? Everything gets turned upside down and you find yourself in this sinister place which is kind of cute and kind of creepy and there’s always the threat of losing your head.
Right now we’re tunneling through Wonderland – I’m personally still trying to grasp the fact that this isn’t a dream. I remember the moment that everything turned upside down – in the ER at Kingston, when the doctor pulled us away from Ana’s bedside and brought us into another room which still hadn’t been cleaned up from the previous patient. I remember thinking, “this can’t be good.” And then our lives changed in an instant. I keep reliving that moment…as the waiting drags on…I keep seeing the look on that doctor’s face. He was scared. I’ve never seen that before. Doctors are supposed to be able to fix everything.
So, still no news except all of Ana’s x-rays and her bone scan are clear! We’ve escaped the Red Queen one more time – for the moment. Jim met with the liver surgeon, Dr. Wu, this morning and he didn’t really have anything new to tell him. They are waiting for the final diagnosis (as you know) and can’t get her on the transplant list until that happens (as you also know) and that is likely going to be Monday. We are tentatively scheduled to sit down with the entire team on Tuesday to talk about treatment and next steps.
“When the world’s crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don’t you try to stop me
I won’t cry”
From “Alice” – by Avril Lavigne